There was no breath left. After run for what felt like hours, to nowhere, she couldn't catch her breath again. It seemed like all the pain, all the tears, were lost in that breath. And as she tried, everything started moving in slow motion. Like it was all getting lost again.
There was no place to look at. There was no tomorrow to look at. There was only ahead, only wherever her feets were taking her. Letting her eyes focus only where she wanted to. Just this time.
She felt her knees giving out, and what felt like a lost breath after run down the streets, became a lost breath after run away from the tears, the screams. From the sick feeling in her stomach that wouldn't leave. That just wouldn't go away.
It felt easier to listen to the music on repeat, and to let go. Let go of the eyes, let go of the fights, let go of the love.
To let the unreal be felt. Cause it did. It felt unreal to look at herself and not see who she was once. To look at herself feeling weird to know that one day, she actually believed in what today felt so...unbelieveable. To look at herself, and fear what she would see in ten years.
All she could do, was keep running. Trying to get her breath back. Looking at the rain drops that would fall over and over at her face, and wait for the air she needed back.
All she could do was let go for just one tinny moment. Let her heart try to remend itself, and expect people to understand along the way that she had her own reasons. That maybe, one day, she would be able to look at herself and have reasons to believe in that small word again. To have her own time. To forget what screwed her. To forget who screwed that for her. And why it happened. Just this one time.
Because there was no waking up anymore.
There was no dream.
All she wanted for that moment, was her breath back.
“I just need to know love works. I just need to know that, in thirty years, our daughter won’t be running to a boy’s house in a random evening because we are screaming at each other in the kitchen. I just need to know that love exists.”