It got hard to look at her eyes. To listen to her words. To pretend you couldn’t see her tears, because this way it would make things easier. For her or for you.
“Life comes in its own ways. You just have to learn to go with it.” When you replied that it was just weird to think getting there and not seeing her, your Dad said “Life comes in its own ways. One day I went home and my Father wasn’t there.”
People break. People cry, and sometimes it doesn’t seem enough and they run. When this happens, you just hope that wherever they are, they are able to heal.
But sometimes 5 months passes by and when you finally see that one person again, the smile in her face tries to hide the fact she is hurt, and that, no, she didn’t healed. That she had a plan. A life-plan. And when it broke, so did she.
And as most as you are there for her and with her, as most as you want to scream for her and use the knife to cut the time that did that, when she leaves, you cannot stop the selfish thought “And what if this is me in ten years?”
Life is unplanned. You know that already. You learned it the hard way. You learned that when you saw your grandpa singing, thinking someday both of you could do that together and 10 years later saw your father trying to hide his tears watching a son turn off the machine that supported his father’s life in a program. He lived that.
You learned that when your cousin thought she was going to live a fairytale and one night, parking her car, her husband told her he was coming back from another woman’s house, and that he had already met her family.
You learned that when you saw your sister’s tears asking if things would be alright again, and for the first time you had to lie to her, saying yes, because you were tired. Because you didn’t seem to have any more energy left to believe in your own words.
So, what stops you from becoming the woman you saw that day, in ten years? What stops you from being the one that breaks?
And what scares you the most is the answer: Nothing. It’s all in your hands. It’s only up to you.
Cause at the same time things depends on you, time always seens to like to play its own little tricks every once in a while. And test you, see till where you can go.
It’s like you can’t have anything figured out. And you can’t be scared about what might happen someday. What your life might hold.
You just have to keep going, don't stop, and try not to look back.
The problem is, sometimes you don’t want to be strong. And, sometimes, you don’t want to think about the tomorrow.