There are things I can not say out loud. I don't know how.
Not because it's stupid and I should be ashamed of. It's not that. I am just not the kind of girl who will speak her feelings to someone freelly. I don't know why I am like this. Maybe because of moments where i was open mind and people had no problems to past by me, and make it like they didn't give a shit about it. So when I realised, I didn't know how to say those things out loud again.
When I was 6 years old, the teacher asked me to resolve a math problem and it took me a while to finish. The moment I said the answer, the class started singing/yelling 'Aleluia' and laugh. It is not one of those moments that when I remember of I laugh, because I don't. I get embarassed to think about it, even though the moment it happened I just went back to my place and made it look like I didn't care.
There was another time, when we were at a bus, and a girl started talking about my hair and my looks. I was only 7, and let me tell you, hear someone making fun of you when you are right next to her, and listening people laughing with her, and at you, it's not the best sensation. I just smiled off.
Or there was the time, when the girl started talking bad things about a boy, and I wanted to be her friend and agreed with whatever she was saying. 5 minutes later, the teacher came talk to me, saying that the girl had told her what I had said, and that she was disappointed at me. Maybe I should have stood up by myself a little more. Or give it back, even though if I ever did that, I am sure I would be ashamed of myself, cause once you are in the place where they are talking about you, you feel like you aren't worth it. Maybe I wanted someone to stand up for me. Anyway, it didn't really affect me, because I didn't care, and there were lots of things happening home in that moment, that were much more important, so I just didn't make a big deal of it.
Years passed and I grew up. To tell you, that it never happened again, would be a lie. But besides that, those little things made me see who exactly I didn't want to become. And what kind of person I wanted by my side.
You know how people say, that your High School Friends will be the bests you will ever have? The thing is, I want them to keep being. For that to not change.
Cause there were days this year, I didn't exactly know what to expect from tomorrow, not because it would be the most horrible thing, but because I was scared. And they made everything better, sometimes not even realising. And all I can hope is that I did the same some day.
They made me learn that exist lots of ways for someone to be strong and hold tight. Or whatever they are, or where they are from, they are your friends because of who you are and not what you have or look like.
So for that, they give me strengh and they always have my back. And even thought I'm a little emotional, it's from heart.
So for that, Thank You.